Bush in 2012, Really (and a Sip of Tea)

Bush in 2012, Really

Rich Lowry’s penis has finally stopped making his decisions for him and he seems to have gotten off the Sarah Palin train. In a recent article in National Review Online, Rich offers eight reasons why Jeb Bush should run for President in 2012. I’ll paraphrase Rich’s points from a liberal perspective:

1. Nobody else worth a damn is running or as Rich puts it, it’s a wide open field.

2. By 2016, Jeb’s resume will be stale.

3. By 2016 the current crop of newbies (Christie, Rubio, etc.) will be seasoned enough to jump into the ring.

4. Brother George is enjoying a perverse sort of nostalgia right now.

5. Regardless of George’s stink, Jeb will still be a Bush in 2016 so he might as well jump now.

6. He’s not like Dad or Brother — see my additional reason #9 below!

7. Jeb might be a GOP uniter. This is where Rich throws Sarah under the bus (cue the moose death groan) saying she is too polarizing and implying that Romney is too bland.

8. Better to run too soon than too late. Of course this fails Rich’s own internal logic from reason #3. If it’s better to run too soon, why is he not advocating for Christie or Rubio now?

And now my two extra reasons for Bush in 2012:

9. Jeb was the smart one. From everything I’ve seen, read and heard, it was Jeb who should have sought the nomination back in 2000, not his dumb-ass brother. Jeb lacks George’s swagger and seems to have replaced it with some real intellect. If I’m not mistaken, he also speaks fluent Spanish.

10. It’s enough to give Presidential historians an orgasm. I’m a bit rusty now but I used to be a Presidential history buff. Jeb, if he won, would add another great first to the annals of Pres history. We have John Adams and his son John Quincy (so George 43 broke no records there), we had William Henry Harrison and his grandson Benjamin and of course we had Teddy Roosevelt and his cousin Franklin. Jeb taking the oath in 2013 would give us the first case of a President (George Herbert Walker) having TWO sons in the White House.

Honestly, I’d like to see a worthy adversary go against Barack in 2012 for one simple reason. I don’t trust this country not to throw Obama out for a knucklehead so if Obama has to lose to someone (and I don’t think that is a foregone conclusion), I’d like it to be someone I could minimally respect. And speaking of respect …

A Tasty Sip of Tea

Well ever since they took the oath in January in the 112th Congress, we’ve been waiting to see what those racist fear mongering Teabaggers would do and I’m shocked to say this but I actually respect their very first major move. So much so, I shall officially retire the term “teabagger” from my vocabulary. Yesterday, Tea Party caucus members were key players in not extending three provisions of the Patriot Act including warrantless wire tapping.

Who would have thought this early in the game that Tea Party members and liberals would be on the same page regarding civil liberties and government over reach? Heck, if not being able to spell and totally misunderstanding the Constitution gets these great results I may have to completely reevaluate my Tea Party stand. I think I’ve got enough bags left in my Red Rose box in the cupboard to start working on my hat. Oh and I’ll have to buy a gun. This sounds like the start of a great relationship.

Respectfully,
Rutherford

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Now I Really Understand Rich Lowry’s Hard-on

Back when then Governor Sarah Palin debated then Senator Joe Biden in a bid for the Vice-presidency of the United States, Rich Lowry of the National Review famously wrote:

Palin too projects through the screen like crazy. I’m sure I’m not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, “Hey, I think she just winked at me.” And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can’t be learned; it’s either something you have or you don’t, and man, she’s got it.

via Projecting through the Screen – By Rich Lowry – The Corner – National Review Online.

Up until recently, I didn’t get the full thrust of Lowry’s sexual addiction. I assumed it was limited to Palin. But after reading an editorial in the Washington Post this week, I think I now really understand the cause of Rich’s hard-on.

Matt Miller, this week, wrote a most amusing analysis of our country’s preoccupation with “American exceptionalism”.  He writes:

Oooh, you’re so strong, baby, so handsome. You’re the greatest.

I’m talking about you, America. You’re . . . why, you’re exceptional!

Does anyone else think there’s something a little insecure about a country that requires its politicians to constantly declare how exceptional it is? A populace in need of this much reassurance may be the surest sign of looming national decline.

American exceptionalism is now the central theme of Sarah Palin’s speeches. The supposedly insufficient Democratic commitment to this idea will be a core Republican complaint in 2012. Conservatives assail Barack Obama for his alleged indifference to it. It’s part of their broader indictment of Obama’s fishy cosmopolitanism, his overseas “apology tours,” his didn’t-wear-the-flag-lapel-pin-until-he-had-to peevishness. Not to mention the whole anti-colonial Kenyan resentment thing the president’s got going.

Real men – real Americans – know America is the greatest country ever invented. And they shout it from the rooftops. Don’t they?

via Matt Miller – Ohhh, America, you’re so strong.

On Marco Rubio, Miller made the following observation:

Rubio described his Senate race as “a referendum on our identity,” adding that “this race forces us to answer a very simple question,” he said. “Do we want our country to continue to be exceptional, or are we prepared for it to become just like everyone else?”

And to think I thought the election was about who had better ideas for getting the economy moving again.

The key part of Rubio’s phrase is “continue to be exceptional”. You can’t continue to be what you are not presently. We are “just like everyone else” to the extent that we are in debt up to our eyeballs, and by many folk’s estimation on our way to becoming Greece. Again, Miller nails it when he says:

The conservative use of American exceptionalism as a political sword today is perversely revealing. There’s something off when the first generation of Americans that is less educated than its parents feels a deep need to be told how unique it is. Or that a generation that’s handing off epic debts and a chronically dysfunctional political process (among other woes) demands that its leaders keep toasting its fabulousness. Especially when other nations now offer more upward mobility, and a better blend of growth with equity, than we do – arguably the best measures of America’s once-exceptional national performance.

Wouldn’t it bolster Americans more to be told that we can meet the challenges of this moment? Wouldn’t we be better off striving to be exceptional at solving our common problems?

But no, of course not. Anyone who suggests America needs improvement is a traitor of the first order. And heaven forbid our President does this. Any modesty on his part amounts to an “apology tour”. Miller concludes:

Sarah Palin’s focus on this theme proves she is shrewder than her critics acknowledge. … If you don’t have real answers, soothing words are a start.

Oooh, you’re so strong, baby, so handsome. Palin knows the country she is courting.

George Washington was called “The Father of Our Country” and to some extent every President should serve this role. A father provides a strong example and encourages his “children” to excel with humility, to not accept “good enough”. Somehow over the past 10 years, America has forsaken the notion of a fatherly President. America now wants its President to be a fraternity brother or a best girlfriend. We want someone who would be fun to have a drink with. We want someone to give us an erection.

So you see, the star-bursts  Rich Lowry saw went beyond a personal physical reaction. It was symptomatic of a nation that wants a huge collective blow job from its leader. It is commonly accepted that Vice President Nelson Rockefeller died in coitus with an aide. The typical male reaction is “what a way to go, at least he died happy.” And so it is with America. We may be near death, but as long as Sarah keeps winking at us and stroking our national dick, at least we’ll die happy.

Respectfully,
Rutherford

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Notes from the Fringe

What is it about 2010 that each political headline seems wackier than the previous one? Here are some random thoughts on some random wackiness.

Gay is Disgusting but it Pays the Rent

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Carl Paladino, Republican candidate for New York State Governor, has a major problem with gays. In fact, he thinks taking your kid to a Gay Pride Parade is one of the worst things you can do — letting your kids see those queers bumping and grinding. After Carl expressed his disgust in public, he then issued an apology to the gay community. Could it have anything to do with his owning properties that house gay bars? Well I have to be honest here. I find Carl and his antics a breath of fresh air. If we overlook this minor hypocrisy, Carl has so far called ’em like he sees them, politics be damned. Pundits have remarked that this is a by-product of people new to politics not knowing what to say or when to keep their mouth shut. But seriously, how can you resist a guy who in this PC age, says he finds the gay lifestyle revolting, tells a reporter “I will take you out”, and then asks for your vote in the next breath? Plus, if you close your eyes and just listen to him, it sounds like Andy Sipowicz from “NYPD Blue” is running for office.

Speaking of Gays, We Can Give Thanks for the End of DADT to … The GOP?

That’s right folks, the plaintiffs in the court case that may have ended Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, were the Log Cabin Republicans. How lame can our Democratic run government with our Democratic President be that it took a group of Republicans (albeit gay ones) to put an end to DADT? Well this really should not surprise us too much. President Obama has never done a particularly good job of hiding his disdain for the gay community. Whether it is his refusal to recognize gay marriage or his refusal to use the power of his office to end the practice of DADT, it is abundantly clear that gays offend Obama’s Christian sensibilities. It doesn’t win him any points with the moral majority conservatives because being born in Kenya trumps being a fellow homophobe in their book.

Christine O’Donnell Should be Running Against Alvin Greene

It is plain as day that neither Republican Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell nor Democratic Senate candidate Alvin Greene are in a fair fight. O’Donnell, with witchcraft in her past is being slaughtered in the polls by her challenger Chris Coons. No one has yet figured out how Greene won the Democratic primary in South Carolina much less how he could possibly beat Jim DeMint. However, the two are such priceless candidates that it would be much more fun to see them square off against each other.

On Lawrence “Crazy Larry” O’Donnell’s new MSNBC show, The Last Word, Alvin Greene got his opportunity to speak to the issues. No slick subterfuge from this man. To almost every question Lawrence asked him (like where he got the nickname Turtle), Greene replied “Jim DeMint caused the recession.” Never have I seen any politician so doggedly stay on his talking points. DeMint could learn a thing or two from his opponent. Maybe if Jim stayed on a narrow script, he wouldn’t say dumb-ass crap like gays and single women shouldn’t be school teachers.

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Then there is my new sweetheart, Christine O’Donnell. For the past two years I have been criticizing Rich Lowry of The National Review for his entirely penis-based support of Sarah Palin. It took some time but when Christine O’Donnell gave me that sideways look while the pretty music played in the background and she said “I’m not a witch. I’m nothing you’ve heard. I’m you.”, well my readers, my heart went all aflutter. In the space of a few weeks, O’Donnell has made Palin yesterday’s news. She’s pretty without the snark. She’s chirpy without the nagging Palin voice. And most of all, she is truly media savvy. After more than a decade of appearing on TV (mostly on Bill Maher’s old show Politically Incorrect), O’Donnell knows how to make love to a camera. I watched a few minutes of her debate with Chris Coons this evening and I have to admit I liked her. Unlike Palin who is dumb and sounds dumb, O’Donnell might not know jack-sh*t but she sells it. When she couldn’t name a recent Supreme Court decision with which she disagreed, it came off as honest, not idiotic. And when Wolf Blitzer volunteered Roe v. Wade, she reminded him that it wasn’t a recent case. I almost want her to win just so I can continue lusting after her for six years. Then again, several insiders say she’s not in this to win it in the first place. She just wants that contract at Fox News. So, heck, I may get to watch her anyway. (Please keep this between just you and me … I don’t want my wife to find out!)

If Only He Had Been a Confederate Soldier

Rich Iott, running for the House from Ohio made a splash with photos documenting his participation in a WWII reenactment “club” that he and his son bonded over. How could a little father-son bonding be a political football? Well it gets a bit tricky when Daddy plays a Nazi soldier in the reenactment and expresses admiration for WWII Germany as the little country that could. The other night, Chris Matthews used his MSNBC show Hardball to call out Iott and dismiss any comparison of WWII reenactors to Civil War reenactors. Sadly, that is where Chris missed the ball altogether. Civil War rebel soldiers are our Nazi’s, civil war era plantations are our concentration camps and blacks of the day are our Jews. You’d never know this by visiting the South. The last time I was in Atlanta the hotel TV advertised tours of plantations to give us a slice of Southern culture, with no mention of the degradation that went on there. I don’t know which is the greater American sin, the peculiar institution itself or our lack of true shame over our past. Perhaps we need to take a lesson from modern-day Germany which shows its remorse and, in fact, makes dressing up like a Nazi illegal. That’s serious regret. They don’t offer nostalgic tours of Buchenwald.

Respectfully,
Rutherford

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